Learning Together

Coda to The Things We Left Behind - Sam is determined to save his brother and he doesn't care how he does it. Dean knows the Mark of Cain is going to destroy him.
I want to thank stormbrite for her amazing artwork. Make sure you go to her artpost and send her some love.
I also want to thank janicec678 for being my beta





“Tell me it was them or you!” Sam’s voice was commanding, but the desperation showed through. On his knees, he was begging his brother to be alright.

Dean’s eyes dropped. He couldn’t do it. He wasn’t alright and it was past time to stop the lies.

Still gripping his brother’s shoulders, Sam made a decision. Without a word, he stood and dragged Dean to his feet. The fact that the older Winchester put up no resistance worried him, but that was a thought for a later time. Right now, he had a mess to clean up. Quickly, he led Dean to the Impala and put him in the passenger seat.

Cas knew better than to say a word at that moment, choosing to hold Claire and stifle her soft cries.

Ignoring them, Sam struggled to ease the car onto the road and not just floor the gas pedal to get them the hell away from the house. He drove until he saw a good spot to pull over and threw  the gear shift to the park position. Without even glancing at his brother, Sam ran to the trunk.

Dean didn’t indicate he’d registered the man leaving the car. He sat in the passenger seat staring ahead with a blank expression. The door opened and large hands reached in and turned his body to face the kneeling Winchester.

“Gotta get this off.” With a tug, Sam lifted his brother’s shirts off over his head. Using the inside of them, he wiped Dean’s face gently. “Gotta get you cleaned up.”

After a cursory examination for injuries showed Sam a bruise on his brother’s face, a lump on the back of his head and small cuts he’d have to clean later. After that he held out his old stretched out and threadbare hoodie he’d retrieved from the trunk. “Here. Keep the hood up if we’re in traffic.” After getting a curt nod of affirmation, Sam gripped his brother’s knees. “I have to go clean up the scene.”
“How are you going to-“

“Burn it.” Sam interrupted Cas and stared at him, daring the angel to contradict him.

With a nod, Cas spoke softly. “I’ll help you.”

“Don’t leave.” Claire finally spoke in a soft plea.

“It’s fine, Cas. I just would rather salt and burn now than run the risk of them coming back, ya know?” He also meant that he needed to destroy any evidence of his brother being at the scene of a bloodbath and the other two men knew it.

Almost snuggling into the hoodie, Dean finally looked up at his brother. “Be careful, Sammy.”

With a soft smile, the younger Winchester gently gripped his brother’s face. “I’ll be fine. Learned from the best, remember?”

It took Sam about 25 minutes, but he was back, smelling of gasoline and smoke, but he was breathing easier. Without a word, he got the Impala in gear and headed towards the bunker. Dean was still and quiet, but when Sam glanced over, he saw his brother’s hands wrapped in the pocket and the hood up around his head. It had been a long time since Dean had taken comfort from anything remotely connected to him and the sight almost made him smile.

The drive was a lot longer than Sam really wanted to drive on his own, but Dean was in no shape to drive and Cas was preoccupied with the sleeping teenager in the back. He had second thoughts about taking Claire, but he knew if he tried to send the girl anywhere, Cas would either fight him or disappear with her. And he needed Cas to help him figure out what to do.

When he finally parked in the garage, he turned to Cas. “Take her in. Get her settled. As far away from our rooms as you can.”
Understanding, the angel nodded.

The younger Winchester got out of the car and moved around to the passenger side, but stood with the door open until the teenager was out of hearing range. Then he knelt down and reached for his brother. “Dean. We need to get you cleaned up, man.”

“Sammy…..”

“Come on.” Gently, he maneuvered the other man to his feet and led him to the shower. Stripping his own filthy clothes off, he moved on to Dean’s. The hoodie went on the counter, but the rest went in a pile to burn later.

Getting them both under the hot spray, Sam kept searching green eyes for any hint of what was going on in his brother’s head. But those eyes closed every time he made contact. He turned Dean so he could see to get the glass out of the cuts and check the size of the lump.

“This is a bottle, Dean. They smacked you over the head with a bottle, didn’t they.” It wasn’t a question, which was good because he didn’t get an answer. With a sigh, he released tension he hadn’t wanted to admit he’d been holding. “They attacked you.”
“Sammy…..” The head in his hands started to shake back and forth.

“No. They. Attacked. You.” Satisfied the injuries were handled, he moved on to getting the blood and dirt off both of them. “They were scumbag bookies, an asshole that sold a teenage girl, and another asshole that would have raped a teenage girl if we hadn’t gotten there. Nobody gives a shit they’re dead, but I sure as hell would have ripped them apart if they’d killed you.” Gently, he turned Dean’s face to meet his. “They attacked you.”

“Ripped ‘em up, Sammy.”

“You got a little lost, Dean. But if I’d seen them hit you with a bottle, I’d have beaten you to it.” Any other option wasn’t even going to enter Sam’s mind. He clung to the fact that they’d attacked his brother first and nothing was going to change that version of the events. Before Dean could argue the point, he wrapped his hand around the back of his brother’s neck. “Just your turn, big brother. I’ll pull you back just like you’ve always pulled me back. We’ll fix this.”

Dean put his forehead on Sam’s shoulder, more of a surrender than an agreement, but the younger man would take what he could get.

It wasn’t quite an hour before Dean was in his own bed, wrapped in a blanket. After he was sure the older man was asleep, Sam got dressed and ventured out to find Cas. At the far end of the bunker, he found the angel silently watching over the sleeping girl.
“She okay?”

Blue eyes met his evenly. “There are a few minor bruises, but no long-lasting physical damage.”

With a shrug, Sam sighed. “It’s not the bruises, Cas. Her ‘family’ sold her to a pervert. That’s not gonna go away with a night of sleep. If she even gets that.”

“So what do I do?”

His friend looked so lost it hurt to look at him. “I’m afraid my people skills now aren’t any better than  yours. I can’t really connect with most of them under the best circumstances anymore. For this?” Shaking his head, Sam sighed. “I have no idea.”

“How is Dean?”

“I feel like I can’t reach him, but I’m not giving up. They attacked him, Cas. I found pieces of a bottle in the back of his head.” Hazel eyes met blue one evenly. “It was self-defense.”

“I am on your side, Sam. You do not need to convince me.” The angel reached up to grip the Winchester’s shoulder gently. “I am afraid Dean is the one you will have to convince. The Mark still controls him under certain circumstances.”

“So how in the hell do we get rid of it?” As awkward as it felt to have the hand on his shoulder, Sam knew it was Cas’s way of showing support.

“I do not know of a way.” Before the hunter turned away, the grip grew tighter. “But that doesn’t mean he cannot learn to live with it. When I first met you, all I saw was the demon blood that flowed in your veins.”

“An abomination.” Sam’s words were quiet, broadcasting the shame he’d always felt concerning his ‘gift’ from Azazel.

“I will always regret turning you away at that time. Since my own transgressions I have come to realize how my judgement of you made a difference in the outcome of the situation.”

Sam wanted to disagree, but deep down he couldn’t and the angel would see right through any platitude.

“But now I am aware of how strong you and your brother are together. You have lived with the darkness in you without allowing it to consume you. Perhaps your brother can do the same.”

“You really think he can learn to live with this?”

“Have you learned to live with it?”

For the first time since finding his brother covered in blood and surrounded by bodies, Sam felt a glimmer of hope.


When Dean opened his eyes, the first thing he was aware of was the fact that Sam was sitting in the wooden desk chair, his large body slumped over onto the side of the bed. The guy looked so uncomfortable, Dean reached out to wake him. Just before he touched the broad shoulder, everything that had happened came back to him and he stopped. His emotions jumped between grateful the stupid son of a bitch loved him enough to still be there and angry the son of a bitch was stupid enough to still be there.
As if sensing the change in the older man, Sam shifted in his sleep, his hand reached for Dean.

Before he could think twice about it, Dean reached down and took the large hand splayed across his stomach and squeezed it. The response was instant. Sam jerked out of sleep and pulled away, trying to hide the wince of pain at the sudden movement of his shoulder.

“Sorry.”

When Dean didn’t respond, the younger Winchester turned back to him and bit his lip. He wanted to say something, but the words wouldn’t come to him. He’d spent most of the night watching his brother sleep, terrified to take his eyes off the older man for fear he’d be gone again when he looked back. Standing, he stretched, working the stiff muscles in his shoulder gently. He was healed but still fought some residual stiffness from the secondary injuries to the torn muscles.

“I’ll be right back.”

Dean understood the unspoken plea for him to still be there when Sam returned, but didn’t say anything. He knew from years of living with his brother that he had about ten minutes before he was facing that lost look again. He wanted to tell the younger man that he was okay. He wanted to tell him that everything was going to be fine. He wanted to tell him that they were going to work things out. But the last time he’d lied to Sam things blew up between them worse than any other time he could remember. So he sat up, staring at the walls wondering how long he could last with this pretense of a truce.

It was roughly nine minutes and thirty seconds later Sam appeared with a cup of coffee and some toast.

“Wasn’t sure you’d be up to eating. I can make something if you want more. I just figured we’d start with this.”

Drinking almost half the coffee to give himself a few more minutes, Dean finally took a deep breath and looked in Sam’s direction.
“I checked the news. Reporters are all over it, but no one knows anything. No ID’s yet.  But I’m thinking once they get the records of those assholes they’re not going to look too hard into it.” Green eyes met his and he shook his head. “Don’t. Nobody gives a fuck they’re dead. If I’d gotten my head out of my ass and come back for you sooner I would have helped you.”

Denial. Dean knew the steps to that dance all too well. And apparently he’d taught his little brother better than he’d thought. Time to wake the kid up to the new reality that was his life.

“If you’d come back sooner you would have gotten hurt-“

“Bullshit.” The word was actually barked in a voice that was too loud and knee-jerk reaction, but the younger man sat back down on the chair and stared at his brother. “Even when you were a demon, you held back. Kept telling me what you were gonna do but you never did it.”

“Seems to me there is a hole in the wall out there proves different.”

“I hadn’t slept in months, unless you count passed out drunk. Still had staples in my shoulder. You batted me around like a fucking playtoy, but if you’d really wanted me dead? I don’t think I could have stopped you.”

“Jesus Christ, Sam! You really gonna play it that way? How fucking stupid are you?”

“Pretty fucking stupid, Dean. I think I proved that when I was such an asshole to you before you d-“ The word ‘died’ choked him and he shook his head. “We’re gonna fight this.”

“How? You seem to have all the answers, so tell me. How the fuck do you think WE are going to fight this?” He held up his arm to display the deep red mark on his skin. “I ripped them apart, and nothing, not you, not anything or anyone could have stopped me. So what’s your answer for that one?”

“Answer?” With a laugh that was borderline a sob, Sam stood and began to pace. “I’ve never had the right answer in my fucking life. Everytime I thought I did I just proved how wrong and stupid I am. So no. I don’t have the answer. And if I did Vegas money would be on it being the wrong one.” Dean stood to leave the room, but one large fist gripped his shirt and shoved him into the wall beside the door. “But I’ll tell you one thing. We fight. We don’t give up. I don’t give up on YOU.” Moving so close the older man could smell the mint from the toothpaste Sam used, he snarled his final words in his brother’s face. “And I’m telling you right now if Cas tries to take you out you won’t like what I will do to him.”

The absolute resolution and deadly intent in those hazel eyes actually made Dean’s skin crawl. He knew if the angel tried to honor his request, his little brother would kill their friend. With a sigh, he gripped Sam’s wrist gently. “What did I do to you, Sammy?”

Responding to the sadness in the older man’s voice, Sam sighed. “I’ve learned I’m still a monster, Dean.” He opened his fist and laid his hand flat on Dean’s chest. “When it comes to you? I am the worst monster out there. You know some of the things I did. Didn’t even need demon blood this time.” The free hand raised to gently hold the side of the other man’s face. “So you need to stick around and keep me from doing bad shit, big brother.”

Dean started to shake his head, but Sam tightened his grip enough to stop him. “I get it. More than anyone else ever could. That darkness. That power. That constant hum in your veins that wants you to just fucking let it out.”

Stunned, the older Winchester stared at his brother. Sam was so accurately describing what he was feeling, it actually took him a few seconds to realize the younger man was talking about his own fight with the demon blood. His brother had never talked about it so openly before. Then again, he’d never asked, either. A fresh wave of guilt for never understanding what Sam had been through, or even trying to, made him look away. 

“Don’t.” Moving even closer, Sam pinned the smaller man to the wall with his own body. “A long time ago you said that we keep each other human. I don’t think you had any idea how right you were. Still are.”

If Sam was depending on him to stay human, he was fucked. When he pushed against the broad chest, Sam backed up and gave him some room. “I’m gonna fight this as long as I can, Sammy, but-“

“I let you go once, Dean.”

The soft voice stopped him and he stared at the younger man.

“Looked at myself in the mirror, realized how close I was to letting it out and ran. Gonna regret that the rest of my life. You ended up rotting in Purgatory because I was too fucking afraid of what I am.” Before Dean could even process what his brother was saying, large hands were holding his face. “I will never let you go again. You’re going to fight this, Dean. Not ‘as long as you can’ but until you’re ready for me to go with you.” It was low, manipulating his brother like that, but he knew his older brother would never fight for himself, but Dean would never give up if he was saving Sam as well. “I’m not afraid of what I am anymore, Dean. More afraid of losing you than I am of what I’ll do to get you back.”

When Dean’s fist crossed his face, Sam stumbled back a few steps.

“So what? You go from ‘I won’t save you’ to all ‘I’m gonna go darkside if you die’? Fuck you, Sam.” Dean knew the mark was adding fuel to his anger, but he felt his control slipping. “I did rot in Purgatory, and I did trust the wrong angel to save your life. You’ve let me know how well you survived without me. And how we’re not brothers when I do something that pisses you off.”

Dean was ready for Sam to return the punch. What he wasn’t expecting was for Sam to lead with his left. When the fist connected, he bounced off the wall behind him and came back to tackle the taller man. As they both hit the bed, Dean couldn’t mistake the sharp intake of breath when his weight hit his brother’s shoulder. His arm throbbed and he moved before he could stop himself. Straddling his brother’s waist, he dug his thumb into the bad shoulder and smiled at the cry of pain the move elicited.

“Do you see this, Sammy?” Holding his arm up in plain view, the mark was obviously darker and seemed to glow within his skin. “It wants me to hurt you. Makes ME want to hurt you.”

Still wincing, Sam met his brother’s stare evenly. “You like that power, Dean? Feel that rush?” It was a dangerous game and he knew it. But the stubborn Winchester in him just couldn’t let it go. “Just pushing you, getting you pissed off. Because it makes you feel strong. Like nothing can touch you.” He felt Dean’s erection rubbing against his stomach and suddenly it came to him. “You want to hurt me?”

“Don’t fuck with me, Sam.” Dean’s tone was low; he was obviously fighting to not hurt the younger man.

With one quick glance at the mark on his brother’s bare arm, Sam took the chance. His left arm snaked out to grip Dean’s wrist and pull it to where he could reach it. In one smooth motion, he flattened his tongue against that arm and dragged it up over the mark.

“Jesus fucking- shit!”

Sam was almost afraid his ribs were going to crack where Dean’s legs clamped down around them, but he grinned when his brother lost his shit like a teenager getting a hand job from Miss September. The pressure on his shoulder released, and he used his legs to roll them so Dean was on the bottom. He watched the older man catch his breath and relax before he leaned down so their lips were almost touching. “Guess we do have to work on your control.”

“What. The. Fuck?”

“Lot more alike than we ever guessed.” Sam remembered how horny he got when he was juiced up, and apparently Dean was no different. “Side effect. Sort of.”

“You…..”

With a nod, Sam shrugged. He didn’t want to talk about what he’d done to and with Ruby after drinking, so he palmed his brother’s spent dick through his wet pants.

“Asshole.” Dean swatted his brother’s hand away.

Staring at those green eyes, Sam desperately wanted to kiss his brother. But they hadn’t since….. the memories came to him and he leaned away a bit. The night before they’d gone after Crowley to slam the gates of hell. Sam had been weak, barely able to function thanks to the trials, but they had stayed awake almost all night after, just holding each other.

The older man squirmed under him and that was it. “Fuck it.”

Before Dean could even begin to wonder what that meant, his little brother’s tongue was shoving into his mouth. It was like a live wire directly attached to his dick, and he felt the thrum of power through his veins. Even though he’d just come, his cock instantly filled and he arched up against that long body. The thought that this was a really bad idea popped into his head, but then those long fingers gripped the waistband of his sweats and he found himself pulling the flannel off Sam’s shoulders.

Sam hissed when his bad shoulder moved to accommodate the movement, but he didn’t break the contact. Shoving his hips down, he ground his throbbing cock against his brother’s once before jerking the sweatpants down. Before he could reach between them, he found himself lying on his back staring at the smirk on Dean’s face.

“Are we- oh shit.” He dropped his head back onto the bed when Dean popped the button on his jeans.

“I’d say we are.” Dean moved back far enough to get his brother’s pants off and drop his own to the floor. Sitting up, Sam reached for the older Winchester’s shirt before pulling him back down beside him.

Their kisses were heated, more teeth and bruising than kissing, but it just made it hotter for both of them. Dean rolled them so he was sitting on top of his brother, grinding their hard cocks together. Knowing he was onto something, Sam turned his head and gripped the arm next to him. His tongue slipped out of his mouth and traced the mark slowly. Hands entwined in his hair and pulled him away roughly.

“No, not like that. Gonna fuck you, Sammy. Keep pushing me, that’s what you’re gonna get.” The younger man shivered and he smiled. With one hand holding Sam down, he reached for the lube in his drawer.

Using his left hand, Sam gripped the back of Dean’s neck and pulled him down to bite on his lip. The sharp pain sent shockwaves through him, and he returned the bite while he shifted enough to shove two fingers into his brother with no preamble.

“Jesus Christ!” The younger man’s voice bounced off the walls around them. It hurt, but it was way under the threshold of too much, and Sam shoved his hips down to draw those fingers in farther. Laughing, Dean scissored his fingers and bit the edge of his brother’s jaw when he gasped sharply. Three fingers followed quickly, leaving Sam to meet his brother’s thrusts frantically.

“Long time, little brother?”

“One year….. right there….. six mon…. shit….. fourteen days…. Fuck! Don’t you dare fucking stop now.”

Stunned, Dean stared at his brother. Everything that had happened since that night rushed through his mind. Shaking his head, he pulled back. “This is a bad idea, Sam. You know it as well as I do.”

“What?” It actually took a second for the younger hunter’s brain to catch up. “A bad idea?”

“Yeah. We need to stop and-“

“Bullshit!” Sitting up, Sam gripped Dean’s arm. “We’ve had bad ideas before, Dean. A bad idea started the apocalypse. A bad idea ended up with you being a fucking demon. This?” He gestured between them. “This is the best idea we’ve ever had. Seems to me our long history with bad ideas ALWAYS seems to happen when we’re NOT doing this.”

“Sam-“

“No, Dean. We’re in this together. I think we’ve both proven the world is better off when we’re in this together.”

Glancing down at the mark on his arm, Dean nodded. “Can’t argue we have a tendency to do dumb shit to the world when we’re not together.”

“So why now? You got plans?” Moving suddenly, the larger man pushed and the older one ended up on his back. “You gonna go darkside and burn the world?”

“You don’t know-“

“The fuck I don’t. We’re gonna fight this. We’re gonna find a way to live with that fucking thing or we’re gonna go down. But since the world, and more importantly to me, you, are in the balance, I don’t intend to go down.” Not giving Dean a chance to reply, he bent over and kissed him. “I love you.”

Still not sure this wasn’t as bad an idea as he thought it was, Dean returned his kiss and entwined his hand in that long hair. He gasped but didn’t break the kiss when he felt those long fingers slicking up his immediately hard again cock. Before he could even process what was about to happen, Sam shifted and dropped down onto him, impaling himself.

Both of them groaned as the muscles in Sam’s body gave way to accommodate the forced intrusion. Any further contemplation on the good or bad in the idea went out of Dean’s head when he was fully encased in that tight heat.

After a few seconds, they both began to move, that rhythm they always found together when their bodies rocked in sync. Using his own weight, Sam lifted and slammed down at the right angle that had him gasping. The look on his face took Dean’s breath away. Responding to the strain in his brother’s muscles, he reached out to grip the dripping cock and slide his fist to the base. It only took a few long pulls before his brother closed his eyes and arched his back. Hot come shot across Dean’s chest and he just watched the man unravel on top of him.

Before Sam could catch his breath, Dean pushed him over rolled them so Sam was on his stomach under him. With his knee, he pushed those long legs apart and shoved back inside the younger man.

Sam was trying to breathe when he felt Dean breech his body. He got as far as one sharp inhale before the heavy body dropped onto his back. Every thrust of Dean’s hips dragged his now oversensitive dick across the sheets and he squirmed. Nips and kisses across his shoulders gave him goosebumps, and the repeated thrusts into his prostrate made him nearly cry from the all the warring sensations.

It wasn’t long, but by the time Dean was shooting into his brother’s body, the younger man’s body was taut, every muscle trying to fight the sensory overload. He managed a soft whine when he felt his brother withdraw from his body, but other than that, all he could do was sigh.

Lying on his back, Dean felt like his body was actually humming. He could feel it in his bones, like his blood was rushing. Staring at his brother’s closed eyes, he realized the mark on his arm was changing everything about him. He’d come twice in the last half hour. He should be halfway to coma and ready to sleep. But instead he wanted to go for a run.

“Dean? What’s wrong?”

“Nothin’, Sammy.” Before he could figure out how to get up without worrying his brother, the younger man moved closer. With a shaggy head on his chest and that long arm snaked around his waist, he wasn’t going anywhere. But he knew that was the point.
The next morning, Sam was surprised to see Claire sitting in the library. When she realized he was standing behind her, she jumped to her feet.

“Sorry. Just getting some coffee.”

With a shrug that was supposed to mean she didn’t care, she left the room. Before Sam could begin to decipher what that meant, Cas appeared.

“Claire was here.”

“She headed back towards her room.”

“She is very upset.”

“Understandable.” Sam sighed. “I wish I had something to suggest. I just don’t.”

“I feel like I should be helping her in some way. But I have no experience with teenage girls.”

“I think we’re all out of our league these days, Cas.”

That seemed to switch the gears in the angel’s head and he moved closer to the Winchester. “How is Dean?”

“Wish I had a suggestion for that, too.”

“I have no doubt you will get a suggestion. Sex usually makes him feel better. Is that not the case this time?”

Speechless, Sam could only stare at the other man.

“I take your lack of response to mean that it didn’t?”

Shaking his head, the hunter finally coughed and forced words to form. “I…. we….. how….?”

“Fornication leaves a distinct scent and-“

“Never mind!” He ran his hand over his face to get a chance to think about the fact that an angel of the Lord apparently knew he’d had sex with his brother and the only thing he thought about it was to wonder if it made Dean feel better.

“Does it mean that the two of you are…. working thing out?”

“Yeah, Cas. It does. I guess.” He sighed. “I hope.”

“Good.” With a forced smile, Cas patted his arm as he headed towards Claire’s room. “I’m sure if you two can work together, you can figure this out. I am going to take Claire out.” He stopped and the forced smile turned to a confused stare. “Where does a teenage girl like to go?”

“The mall?” It was the first thing that popped into Sam’s head.

“Thank you. I will ask her.”

Left alone, Sam could only wonder why every time their lives got weird, there was only another step of weird following.
Staring at the coffee pot, Sam was so busy wondering why coffee seemed to take so much longer to brew when you were staring at it he didn’t notice his brother coming up behind him. Arms encircled his waist and he jumped.

“Wow. Zoned out there, Sammy.”

“Cas knows about us.”

The arms immediately dropped and the older man pulled Sam around to face him. “What?”

“Cas knows. Asked me if the fact that we had sex made you feel better or meant things were better between us.”

After a long moment of silence, Dean finally spoke. “That’s all he said?”

“Well, that and the fact that…… fornication leave a distinctive odor.”

“So it wasn’t the sex hair you’re wearing.” When Sam ran his hands through his hair to smooth it down, he laughed. “Oh well. If he was gonna give us shit, you would have gotten it already.” Moving closer, he pressed his face to his brother’s neck. “I kind of like that fornication smell.”

“Dean!” With a smile, Sam pushed gently at the older man’s chest. He knew Dean was working really hard at avoidance, and for the moment, he was willing to go along with it. At least until after he’d had a few cups of coffee. Leaning closer, he pressed his lips to his brother’s. “How about the smell of morning breath?”

“Bitch!” Turning his head, Dean reached for a cup. “I’d rather kiss your ass right now.”

“Seems to me you have, jerk. And with tongue.” When his brother stared silently at him, Sam laughed.

“Too fuckin’ tired for this. Fill ‘er up, little brother.”

Filling both cups, Sam led them to the library and they sat next to each other. When Dean shoved his chair close enough for their arms to touch, he smiled.

The look on Dean’s face told Sam that something was on his mind, and until he could figure out how to say it, the best course of action was to just say quiet. But this time the silence was comfortable. Sam knew his brother was going to talk to him. He just had to do it in his own time.

Cas appeared and approached the brothers. “Claire wants to go to the mall. Apparently there is a mall in California that she has never seen. Thank you for your suggestion, Sam.” He stared at them for a moment, not understanding why they were laughing at him. Finally he decided to just continue. “I have a suggestion for you as well.”

“If this is about fornication, we’ll pass.” Dean glared at the angel.

“Why would it be about fornication?”

“Never mind, Cas. What’s the suggestion?”

“Actually, it was the fact that you for-“

“What did I say, Cas?! You don’t talk about fornication with other men that… you just don’t, okay?”

“Is this like watching the pizza man?”

“Yes, okay? Exactly like that.” Dean was ready to run from the room screaming.

“Just skip that part and get to the actual suggestion.”

“That’s what I was trying to do, Sam. My suggestion was that you talk about this.”

“No shit.” Sam shook his head. “Thanks, Cas. But I think we’ve figured that out.”

“I don’t think you have. I told you last night that my judgment of you determined how Dean judged you and your actions were a result of that. The analogy was very accurate. Your perception of how others saw you, meaning myself, Dean, perhaps Bobby, and others that knew about the demon blood you carry, influenced your actions. I spent some time thinking about it while Claire was sleeping. The Mark of Cain is not unlike the demon blood you carry, Sam. You are in a very unique position of understanding what Dean is feeling. That is what you need to talk about.” With that he was gone.

“Awkward.” Dean sighed into his coffee and Sam snorted into his. “I don’t know about you, Sammy, but my coffee needs one hell of a kick for this conversation.”

Nodding his agreement, Sam refilled the coffee mugs while Dean went for the whiskey. This time they moved to the living room and sat on the sofa.

“So Cas thinks you have insight. Care to share with the class?”

With a soft smile, Sam shrugged. “He mentioned last night that I learned how to live with the demon blood and maybe that’s the direction we should be looking.”

“Live with this.” Taking a deep breath, the older Winchester finally looked at his brother. “When you said that you missed being able to save possessed people- not kill them with the knife, but yank the bastard demon out of them and save them- I got pissed. I didn’t understand how you could miss anything about having that power. I get it now. This…. I can feel it, Sammy. It’s there. Like it never goes away.”

“Yeah. I get that. You feel strong. Like you could hunt anything and take it out with no problem.” The expression on Dean’s face told Sam he was right.

“But you had to drink demon blood, Sam. This isn’t something I can just not do. It’s here all the time.”

“So is the craving for blood, Dean. I’m still an addict. And…..” He took a deep breath before taking the leap of faith in his brother with this detail. “Ruby kind of hinted at the fact that I didn’t need the blood.”

“What?”

“Her exact words were that I didn’t need the feather to fly. I don’t know. I’ve never tried. But I think she meant that the powers are in me. Not from drinking blood, but from me.”

“And you just don’t do it?”

“I know where it goes. I can control it for a while, but in the end, it ends up controlling me. So I don’t even want to go there.”

Dean realized what that admission had meant to his brother. He’d never even hinted at anything like this. Remembering what Cas said about Sam’s perception of how Dean saw him, he sighed. “So how do you do it? How do you NOT do it?”

“I don’t have the magic answers, Dean. I don’t know how I do it, so explaining it? I just know that when you give into it, it takes over.”

“I don’t know if I can. I mean, it’s so strong.”

“I know. Dean, to be honest, I think hunting’s out for a while. Until you do learn to control it.”

“I could kill someone-“

“Don’t! If I’d seen them hit you with the bottle, I would have killed them myself.  After what they did to Claire and you, I couldn’t give a shit they’re dead. So we move on. Work on not letting your emotions get the better of you.”

“That why you have anger management issues? Because you can’t unleash that power?”

Stopping, Sam thought about his brother’s words. “I don’t know. Maybe. Never thought about it that way.”

“Not known for restraint before this happened.”

“Guess you’ll be a better man for it, then.” With a smile, Sam took a drink from the whiskey bottle. “It’s gonna take time, Dean. We’re gonna have to work at it. But if I can sit here part fucking demon and function, you can sit there with some fucking tattoo on your arm and be okay.”

“When you put it that way….” Dean actually laughed.

Taking that as a good sign, Sam smiled. “So what I need you to do is tell me when you’re having an issue with it, if you feel it doing… whatever it is that it does, we’ll work on finding a way for you to stop it.”

“How?”

Sam knew getting Dean to ask for help would be next to impossible. “How about, if you start to feel that mark doing something, you come to me and I’ll…. give you a blow job.”

The whiskey hit the table when Dean choked on it. “Okay, I’d call that incentive.”

Laughing, Sam shifted on the sofa and couldn’t help wincing from the twinge he felt from last night’s activities.

“You okay?”

“Better than that.” Moving closer to his brother, Sam winced again. “I’m great. Nice and sore in all the good places.”

With a laugh, Dean stood. “Well, come on. I’m sure I can find a few more good places to make you sore.”

Laughing, Sam followed his brother to the bedroom.