Absence of Consent

Another great prompt at the Oh Sam site.

Prompt: Under the infulence of the love potion, Sam DID have sex with Becky. When he remembers, he blurts it out to Dean... who, being the insensitive, chauvanistic, dick of a brother he can be, mocks him.

How does Sam deal with his brother's reaction? What about the emotional fallout of realizing he's a rape victim? Does Dean come to realize what a complete asshat he was, or does he remain ignorant? Of course, if you want to take this in a different direction, go wherever the muse takes you. You can even use another POV. All I want is a look at Sam's thoughts and emotions.

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She was above him, riding him fast and hard. The sensations running through his body sent every nerve ending into overload and his eyes slammed shut at the onslaught. At he got closer to the edge, he reached up for her, gripping her long hair close to her head. It was like he’d flipped a switch. Her entire body tensed and she literally screamed his name as she came. Something about her voice made Sam open his eyes and he stared into Becky’s eyes.

Sitting up, Sam took a few deep breaths. Shit.

“You done?”

Dean’s voice made him jump. “What?”

“I don’t even want to know what you were dreaming, dude. Those kind of noises make me feel like a peeping tom.”

“It was weird.”

A soft laugh carried across the room. “Yeah. You getting laid. I’d put that in the weird category.”

Sam was really glad the light was out. He would never hear the end of the blush that he could feel spreading over his cheeks. Standing up, he moved away from the bed. “Not sure it was a dream.”

“Well, since I’m the only other one in the room, and I swear I keep my hands to myself, I think we can safely say you were just having a happy dream.”

“Nothing happy about it.” Sitting down on a chair, Sam struggled to put pieces together the he knew were just out of reach in his  mind.

“Okay, I know it’s been a while for you, but sex is happy, Sam. Well, a lot happier when you’re actually DOING it with someone, and not just dreaming about it.”

“Will you give it a rest, Dean?”

Not picking up on the fact that Sam was really bothered by the whole thing, Dean laughed again. “Chill, Sammy. I can’t help it if the girl of your dreams can’t even get you off.”

“Becky is NOT the girl of my dreams, asshole.”

“Becky?” Sitting up, Dean looked at him. “You dreamed about banging Becky?” He shuddered. “Okay, I can go with nightmare on that one. Still, bad sex, no sex…… I’d have to weight those options.”

Pissed, Sam stood with every intention of locking himself in the bathroom to get away from Dean’s jokes for a few minutes. But the room actually seemed to grey out for a moment, and Sam saw a repeat of his dream. Except this time he reached up and gripped Becky’s hips, holding her in place so he could thrust up into her. But it wasn’t clear, it was like being underwater.

The next thing he was aware of was hands gripping his shoulders and a panicked voice calling his name.

“Dean?”

“Just sit still.”

Sam realized he was sitting on the end of the bed with Dean actually keeping him from falling off.

“You back?”

Nodding, he took a few deep breaths. “It was strange.”

“I’ll say. I thought I was the man of your dreams.”

The younger man didn’t even have to look up to realize that Lucifer had joined the conversation. His hand was long healed, but he gripped the scar and pressed on it. The action served its purpose, but it also further panicked his brother.

“Come on, Sammy. Snap out of it.”

“I’m okay.”

“You don’t look it.”

“I mean he’s gone again. I just let my mind wander. That’s all it takes.”

For the thousandth time, Dean cursed Cass under his breath. “Good. Jesus, you scared me. One second you’re bitching about an X rated dream and the next-“

It hit Sam at once and his stomach turned. “Wasn’t a dream.”

“I thought we already discussed the fact that you were alone, and asleep.”

“Not what I mean.” Sam shook his head. “I mean, I think….. I think it was a memory, Dean.”

Those words stopped Dean for a second. “I thought you said you didn’t-“

“I didn’t…… I was on demon juice, remember?” The word blood crossed his mind, and he could tell it went through Dean’s as well. “I mean that fucking love potion, Dean.”

“I know, Sammy. Gotta tell you, when I found you tied up like that? I was scared shitless of what it was doing to your mind. I was beyond relieved when you were just pissed off.”

“I think the shit Becky gave me had a lot to do with that, too. Which was probably a good thing for her. Christ, Dean, what if I’d gone off the rails again? I could have shot her.”

“Would have been her own fucking fault.” He could see Sam’s mind drifting. Before phantom-Lucifer could make another appearance, Dean shook his brother’s shoulders. “Hey.”

“Don’t.” Standing, long legs carried him back and forth across the room a couple of times. It all came back to him. “She fucking lied. She fucking lied, and I didn’t stop her.”

The way the 6’4” frame actually trembled terrified Dean. “Sammy, come on. Talk to me.”

“I didn’t even like her. I didn’t want her, I didn’t want to marry her, and I sure as hell didn’t want to….. she….. Fuck!” Leaning against the door, he smacked it. His mind couldn’t get past the image of Becky on top of him. It was like a movie stuck on repeat and he couldn’t stop it.

“You…..” Dean had no idea what to say to his brother.

Taking a deep breath, Sam tried to redirect his mind from the truth of what had happened to him. For the first time in years a litany of legal phrases came to him from his Stanford days.

Issue of consent

Incapacitation

Absence of Consent

Marital Consent

Drug Facilitated Sexual Assault

Rape

Sam had the memories of over a century of being at Michael’s and Lucifer’s mercy and being used repeatedly like a prison bitch. He had the memories of his soul-less self literally screwing his way across the country and back. Being held down, being overpowered by arch angels in the cage, being completely out of control of his own body left him with a strong sense of helplessness. This was worse, in some ways that he didn’t want to think about.

“What’s the matter, Sammy? It took that 90 pound woman to make you realize being my little bitch wasn’t so bad?” Lucifer’s voice took a whiny quality, putting a voice to the humiliation that he felt from being actively involved in his own rape.

Reaching for his scarred hand again, Sam fought the urge to tell his hallucination to shut up. He knew that if he gave in to the urge, he might not be able to fight the figure in his mind back again.

“Sammy?” This time the voice speaking his name wasn’t whiny. It was concerned and he realized it belonged to his very real brother, who was standing in front of him with an almost terrified look on his face.

Nodding slightly, more to let Dean know he was ‘there’, Sam let the older man lead him to a chair to sit down. “Just weighing the options, Dean. Bad sex versus no sex.” His throat tightened and he forced himself to meet his brother’s eyes. “What about no fucking choice?”

He could see the moment that the reality of the situation hit Dean and he looked away. Dean dragged another chair close enough for him to sit next to his brother and grip the back of his neck gently. “She drugged you. She knew you wouldn’t touch her with a ten foot pole, so she turned to a demon to get to  you.”

“She didn’t know he was a demon at first.”

“Don’t you defend her, Sam. Don’t  you dare defend one fucking thing that crazy bitch did to you.”

“I didn’t stop her, Dean. She didn’t tie me down, at least not until the drug wore off. She didn’t put a gun to my head, she didn’t threaten our lives. I never even said no.”

“Demons, Sam. Not that they haven’t fucked with our lives enough, but you know how powerful they are. I didn’t even see it, and I don’t have the excuse that I was drugged. I just let her take you, even though I knew it was all kinds of wrong and fucked up. I just watched you walk away with her.”

“I’m sorry. I completely bailed on you again, and-“

“Stop it.” Dean’s voice a sharper then he intended and he felt like shit when the younger man actually flinched. “You didn’t do anything. You didn’t do anything to me, you didn’t have any idea what was going on.” Sighing, Dean reached for the bottle on the table and took a long drink. “I wish I knew what to say here, Sammy. I just don’t. I want you to realize you didn’t do this. It was Becky. Six buckets of fucking crazy with a god damned demon in her pocket. You had no more control over what happened with her anymore then you did when you were fucking Robo-Sam.” While Sam took a long drink of his own, Dean ran his hand through his own hair. “I should have fucking killed her. I let her get away with what she did to you.”

“I’m glad you didn’t. Wasn’t like she set out to hurt me-“

“What did I say about defending that bitch?” He struggled to keep his voice even, but his temper was getting the best of him. “Whatever her intentions were, she drugged you, kidnapped you, and fucking raped you-“
“Shut up!” Pulling away from his brother, Sam began to pace again. “I never once said no, Dean. I didn’t even try to stop her. Or myself.”

“How could you? She’d used demon mojo to make you think you loved her!” Pissed at Becky, pissed at himself, and yes, even pissed at Sam for not seeing the situation for what it was, Dean kicked the chair Sam had just vacated into the wall. “We’re gonna start over here, Sammy.”

“What do you mean?”

Taking the scarred hand, Dean squeezed it. “Stone number one, remember?”

Confused, Sam nodded.

“So now we have stone number one again. Only now we build it bigger. Strong enough to keep Lucifer AND batshit-crazy-Becky out of your head. Can we do that?”

A soft chuckle escaped Sam. “Bat shit crazy Becky.”

“If the batshit fits?” Dean took Sam’s soft smile as encouragement.

“Have I told you how much it means to me that you’re willing to stand here and shovel MY buckets of crazy like you’re trying to pump the water out of the Titanic?”

A sharp slap met the back of his head. “You’re not sinking, I’ll get a fucking bulldozer if we need it to shovel, and we’re building a wall, not having a chick-flick moment, bitch.” But Dean’s eyes let Sam know the message was received.

“Jerk.” Sighing he forcibly pushed the thoughts out of his head for the moment. “By the way, Jack on an empty stomach? Not such a good idea.”

“So we eat. Gotta be a greasy burger close. With a big ass pie to go with it.” Dean was so relieved to see Sam actually laugh he almost sent a prayer to God. Or Cass. Or who the fuck ever periodically helped him do something right where his baby brother was concerned.